Must be some Clovers in the atmosphere

Jan 14, 2009 at 4:52 PM
4 comments

It got cold last night.

You may already know that I sleep in the basement. It's always cooler down there than the rest of the house. This is awesome +10 in the summer. In the winter, beyond a certain point (because I do like it cooler, so I can get all cozy under the covers), not so much.

Last night may have been that point. I was in bed, with the sheet, the fleece blanket and the comforter on and still chilled. Ended up getting up and grabbing my Lambie blanket off the couch and spreading that out over me as well, after about an hour curled into the fetal, shivering. After that, I achieved optimum coziness.

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I had two realizations yesterday evening as well. Not quite the stuff of epiphanies, but definite moments of "Huh, hadn't realized that before."

The first came at the gym: I am closer to thirty than I am to twenty.

This just feels *weird*. I don't even really think of myself as a woman, in general. Sure, intellectually I know I am a woman. I don't think I can even claim to be a young woman anymore. I tend to still see myself as a scared seventeen year old most of the time: ignorant and excited about the prospect of things to come and waiting for life to really get started. I rarely think of myself even as an adult, and never as a grown-up. I don't think I'm immature as a person, I just don't feel like an adult.

I'm not scared of 30; I just find it hard to believe it's only two birthdays away. Where did the last ten years go?

The other realization came after a pseudo-argument with my mother: I have more faith in people than she does.

Think about me for a few minutes: I'm not exactly miss Happy Go Lucky. I tend towards cynicism, usually in the extreme.

Yet somehow I have more faith in individual people* than my mother does.

Color me boggled.

*note, of course, that this is in individual people, not humanity as a whole. as a whole, i'm pretty sure we're fucked three ways from Sunday.

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realizations

Comments

[this is good]

Note from 40: Still feeling the same way, older but not feeling old. Still look forward to life. That is all...

I'm completely with you on the age thing...I felt it on New Year's day...the lines in my face suddenly seemed to exist.
This doesn't mean I'm sad about it...just that it is.