21 posts tagged “stuff”

step to me get burnt like toast

Oct 15, 2008
3 comments

first of all, if you can name that song, i <3 you.

anyway.

maintaining the posting format from yesterday--that's how i roll, bitches:

-it's taking me forever this week to get my BB posts written. don't know what my problem is. but you should be off reading BitchBuzz right now.

-wait, finish this first!

-i managed to, not once, not twice, but at least three times step over the puked up hairball the cat left me in the middle of the floor. she's been doing that fairly close to often lately. maybe i should get her shaved? is there any way i could possibly traumatize my already skittish cat anymore? advice?

-my mom makes pretty kickass cookies. they're cakey enough for me; however, they are also rather moist. rather too moist. i think she's putting too much sweet potato in them. or not quite enough flour. i'm not sure which.

-i've not watched Heroes from Monday yet. I don't really care. i've not watched Fringe for the past two weeks. I don't really care. i think i'm two episodes behind on True Blood now. I think I'm done with that. I am getting the first two discs of The West Wing from Netflix next. I couldn't be happier about that. Where has all the good TV gone, and why is there none of it left?

-i am fascinated by characters who are completely unsympathetic, yet somehow are sympathetic and also kinda creepily relatable. is it because i'm one of those delusional girls who wants to fix the bad guy (or girl; not that i swing that way, despite the all-girls catholic high school)? good god, i hope not. i think mostly of Dexter here. dude's a fucking serial killer. yet, you sympathize with him. he's the main character of the show. he HAS NO FEELINGS, but you cheer him on. the same can, at least to a certain extent, be said of House. there's those hints that he used to be a human being. but now...he's just House. discuss?

-holy shit, batman. R Lee Ermey is the corpse of House's dead father. rock.

-at this point in my evening, i leave the computer (finally) to go try to finish The Lies of Locke Lamora. This is another one you need to read. i finally figured out why i hesitate to finish it (and I might be repeating myself or someone else); i don't want it to end. and this is despite having Red Seas Under Red Skies waiting to be put into my next pile of books. i continued to sit in front of the fucking thing for at least forty more minutes, then crash. no reading of books that i highly recommend to all and sundry was done.

-decided to join in on the Cannonball Read challenge from Pajiba. 100 books in one year. i look forward to the challenge. i'm a bit behind... need to catch up. look for the "review" of Small Favor, my first read, to be up in a day or two.

-i am so frakking queasy this morning. i nearly gagged when i was brushing my teeth in the shower this morning (yes, i brush my teeth in the shower). partly i guess because my toothpaste is disgusting, but partly due to the queasiness getting the better of me. i keep telling myself i should eat SOMETHING, but i can't quite handle the notion right now.

-of course, i stepped on the scale this morning, and according to it, i've lost nearly five more pounds. so that's nice. i don't know where they went. please don't worry, however. i am still eating, still testing my blood sugar nearly as much as i should be, and still taking my insulin. i'll let you know when i start mainlining 5 Hour Energy shots, or go on a white powder and white milk diet. then you can start worrying. 'kay?

-i don't match today, and I didn't realize it until i was in the car on my way in. i'm wearing a royal blue t-shirt (You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning), with pants that are roughly the same color of my eyes (ie, kinda blue grey. i call them cadet blue, because they seriously remind me of the crayon). just thought i'd point that out.

Things on Tuesday (the Liz version)

Oct 14, 2008
2 comments

I have no idea where this trend came from, or what its point is. but i'm stealing it and making it my own. this week, at least. here's some stuff.
is drunk emailing as bad as drunk dialing? discuss.
finished Small Favor last night. am sore tempted to read it again right now. i truly adore Harry Dresden, and there are few fictional characters about whom i can say that. i know i keep saying this, but if you haven't already read them, please do.
would someone please define "weird" for me? i'm curious as to how others define the term, as i'm pretty sure my own definition is far from the "normal" one.
i've been having some problems with breakfast lately. i keep waking up kinda queasy as well as hungry, and thus have a hard time eating much. at least i'm eating though, right? however, today the queasiness has carried over quite a bit, as it's eleven and i'm still feeling it. not happy about this. (*update at two: yeah, still a touch queasy. boo.**)
lots of things bug me. a lot of them are incredibly neurotic, or at least i view them that way. one of which? not emailing me back! ooooh, that bugs me. i've learned to deal with it, because i have a number of friends who are terrible at it. i try not to be one of those passive aggressive bitches who just mutters under her breath, and i have gotten much better about just telling people when these things bug me, but it still bugs me. just answer me, dammit! or at least tell me to fuck off. that works as well. might send me into a tailspin of shame and despair, but at least i'll have fucked off. oh, and if i end up killing myself, i'll be haunting you. just fyi. ;)
other things that bug me: liars, fake people, the fact that it seems like there's only two people reading this damn blog anymore, and cauliflower.
i feel. sometimes i feel like i feel far too much. especially lately. it scares me. do other people go through this? because it's both physically and mentally exhausting being me sometimes.
something else that bugs me? pontificators. if you're going to pronounce your opinions as fact, please try not to do so in my vicinity. it gives me hives. just because you believe something to be true doesn't actually make it true. if you want to have an intelligent and respectful conversation in which you explain why you believe this to be true, and in which i respectfully tell you you're full of shit and to fuck off, then by all means. if you just want to sound intelligent and bulldoze people into accepting your opinions as fact, go away.
actually, that's not true. i love people who are smarter than me. if they can speak to me as a fellow intelligent human being, all the better. i like to be proved wrong, when it's not being shoved down my throat in the form of ridiculous opinions. i love having discussions with people, about just about anything and everything. it's the ones who cannot let me have my opinion or bear any dissent against their own opinion that bug the fuck out of me.
some days i regret just about every decision i've ever made. other days i regret none of them. sometimes i can pick just one or two to regret.
fauxhawks are for tools. (see what I did there?) (but seriously, do you disagree with me?)
i swear, Campbell Hausfeld has the same three songs as their hold music. one of them is Huey Lewis. *sigh* also, you generally wait at least twenty minutes on hold whenever you call them (or at least, I do). There's only so many times you can hear If This Is It without bleeding from your ears and eyes.

pardon my tits

Oct 13, 2008
4 comments

Friday night was the usual: went to the VFW, had some food and beer. went home again. nothing too exciting, but one of the older ladies had brought in her old issues of Enquirer and one of the other trash rags, so Lith and I had some fun (and some horror) reading through a couple of those for a while.

Saturday morning I was forced to haul my ass out of bed at the crack of dawn to face down the dentist. it didn't go so badly. i only have two possible fillings and a possible crown or root canal that i may or may not need. i have a first filling appointment next week. joy. have i ever mentioned how much i hate having cavities filled? yeah, i know, everyone does. but it makes me more miserable than just about anything else i can think of. so, thankfully, the appointment is in the afternoon, so afterwards i can (possibly) go home and cry myself to sleep. (seriously, getting cavities filled makes me want to sob like a little child.)

Followed that up with not getting my bloodwork done, yet again. i swear, by all that is holy and right in this world, i will get it done this weekend. i would stop after work one day to have it done, but it has to be a fasting. :(

I did go out to breakfast with mom, though. that's always nice. also, i didn't quite clean my plate. i've noticed that i've been eating less lately. not that i'm starving myself or anything, i'm just not shoving everything in sight that is edible down my throat. so yay for that.

Saturday evening was the Marine Corps League bull and oyster roast. Again, fun. Beer was free. Got to see Andy, who no one has seen in weeks because he's studying for the PCAT next week. i got to dance. i love just about any excuse to get a few in me and dance, to pretty much whatever is playing. Lith tried to teach me a little bit of belly dancing; i'm not sure i got it.

Yesterday was probably the highlight of the weekend. Rance came down to the house, and we veged out like a couple of veging out people on my couch and watched all but the final episode of S2 of Dexter. It was fabulous. Deb is still annoying, Keith Carradine is still awesome (I think you get issued an extra dose of awesome at birth if your last name is Carradine), Dex was being an idiot for most of the season, and I'm still holding out hope that Lila dies in the one episode i have left to watch.

I didn't sleep very well last night; I'm not sure why. Sunday seems to be my night for not sleeping well. Which sucks, because I hate getting the week started off on a less than pleasant night's sleep.

Doomsday

Oct 9, 2008
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I stayed home from work yesterday, and it's a good thing I did too. I feel miles better today than yesterday. Thank the lords of kobol for prescription cold meds. and for the cessation of sinus pain i am still enjoying. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't come back. I slept really well last night, and that just works wonders. (Of course, that being said, I am still pretty wiped out. It's barely lunch time, and I am ready for bed already.)

I got two new movies from Netflix in the mail yesterday, Titus (with Anthony Hopkins, amongst others), and Doomsday, the third film from the wonderfully creative director behind both Dog Soldiers and The Descent (I highly recommend both of those. Dog Soldiers is tons of gory fun, and The Descent is just bleak. Bleaker than all hell. But awesome and scary.).

Unfortunately, Doomsday was a pretty huge disappointment. This is what happens when you give a director who is really creative with smaller budgets more money than he's ever seen in his life.

I guess the idea was there. But it didn't feel real. Oh, there's a virus. Oh, she lost her eye as a child. Oh, she's a badass. Oh, those cars from thirty years ago can magically keep up with a BENTLEY. Oh, there's a lovely (brand new) Bentley in a mountain, and look! There's gas for it as well. That hasn't degraded beyond possibility of use. Why I am caring about any of this? I don't think there was enough development. Or at least, a wee bit of reason given to care about the people involved.

All in all, I guess I just couldn't suspend disbelief long enough to really enjoy the movie. I didn't care about any of the characters, and in fact was more amused by the ones who were supposed to be scary than anything. There was plenty of gore and people dying, but I didn't care about any of them before they died, so no horror or any kind of emotion whatsoever was evoked for me.

The survivors were pretty ridiculous as well. Half of them were done up as bad cybergoth Mad Max wannabes. The main "bad" guy seemed to be trying to do Billy Idol. But... not.

The rest of them were Renn Faire rejects. But hey, Malcolm McDowell! I like him better as Linderman.

I was happy to see three quarters of the cast of Dog Soldiers, though. Yay for Spoon!

Not only that? But the ending? Pretty fucking stupid, if you ask me. (I didn't watch the extended version, just the theatrical version.) I definitely glared at the tv and said "what the fuck was that?". Out loud, even.

Anyway, I didn't hate it, I guess I just didn't care about it at all.

slap me silly and call me shirley

Oct 2, 2008
2 comments

i had a doctor's appointment the other morning. nothing major, just my regular three month follow-up. i've been seeing the doctor every three months for nearly ten years now. i remember one of the first times i saw her, when she told me if i was going to drink whilst away at senior week, to make sure that i ate food as well. and we all know how that turned out (every time i asked for a drink, my friends screamed at me that if i drank i would die. so i got mad and stormed out a lot. ahh, senior week).

anyway, my past two appointments, i've seen the NP instead of the doc, for various and sundry reasons (they're going electronic, her partner just left to go back to Silver Spring, blah blah blah). i'm not particularly happy about seeing the NP, because i like my doctor and i'm used to seeing her. and i'm not particularly happy about being fobbed off on the NP, but i know why she did it--because she told me. "You're pretty much my easiest patient. You won't give her a hard time."

anyway, i was going to insist on going back to seeing Dr B after the appointment i had yesterday, but i caved.

i haven't been taking very good care of myself. now, take that with a grain of salt, because compared to a great number of diabetics, i've been taking great care of myself. most of my sliding habits will only have long term ramifications, but at least i'm not covered in icky infections, or in the hospital every other week because i've made myself stupid sick again by either not taking my insulin or by taking only enough to cover the least little bit of food or because i am bulemic.

i shit you not, i know of a girl, a type 1 like myself, who literally has practically stopped taking her insulin altogether because, and i quote, "she wants to be skinny." yanno what? fuck skinny. i'd rather retain renal function for as long as possible, thanks.

anyway. so tonya "yelled" at me that i need to be testing more. i made my excuses. i was doing really well there for a while, but then i went on vacation and that all went to shit. and the last few weeks i just haven't really managed to care about taking care of myself. which is a problem, i know.

at least she didn't yell at me for forgetting to get my bloodwork done. i have a very bad habit of forgetting to get bloodwork done if i don't do it immediately after my appointments. and i really need my cholesterol checked (which requires me to be fasting--nothing to eat or drink other than water for twelve hours or so before the test), so i wrote myself a nice big note to go get that done this saturday morning.

my blood pressure is higher than it was the last time, too. but then, i have been feeling more stress the past few weeks. and, yanno, i'm a lazyass. yes, there's a correlation between lazyassness and hypertension. because i said so, that's why.

so the NP and i made a deal. we're each going to work out three times a week (at least). i'm really kinda hoping that i will actually follow through with this for once. it's not that i don't like working out, i actually do. once i get started. my problem is getting started. i have zero motivation. and i have a really hard time getting up the energy to do it after work. i think i'm going ot have to try to get up in the mornings again to work out. hell, i've done it before.

I'm not sure if the not taking very good care of myself is tied to my dad or not. In some ways, it probably does. And in others, it likely doesn't. It's not like my dad was a shining example of how to be a diabetic. bah. i'm not really in the mood for introspection of that sort today. maybe another day.

blah blah blah thud

Oct 1, 2008
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Last Friday I went out to dinner with Lith and Evie. We went to Outback. In the parking lot is where I saw this (seriously, that's one you want to clickyclick). It was pretty nice, I've always liked that place. What can I say, I do not have very exotic taste in food (though in my defense, I am much better than I used to be about trying new things). I've noticed that Outback kinda uses the same flavors on everything, but I'm ok with that once in a while. My steak was good. They only overcooked it a little bit. It was also something different than I usually get when there.

Went into Joanns afterwards. I didn't buy anything, but I did play with the wheelchair for a few minutes, while we were checking out. Wish I'd found it earlier, because I would've rolled around the store in it. Because I'm that evil.

Saturday found me getting up when the dogs woke me, at about seven thirty--they finally let me fucking sleep in! w00t. Did the dishes, sprayed down the shower, put Jessie's sheets in the wash so she wouldn't have to. I wanted to make sure I got everything cleaned up before they got home, until I found out they wouldn't be there til after 3 and it become not as big a deal. I am pretty sure I left the place looking as nice as I found it. At least, Jess tells me I did. Packed my shit in the goddamn pouring rain and rolled out. I don't know why I hurried though; was supposed to go with Mom to Boordy for a winery tour (Hey, free booze? I'm there!), but that got nixed when the sky opened up.

Was supposed to try to get together with Rance Saturday evening. When it got to be about nine, though, I gave up the ghost. I knew there was a risk it wouldn't happen, because he's got practise on Saturdays and I'm well aware that practise trumps hanging out and always has. Also, Dad trumps practice, and Lith mentioned going to pick up some weaponry with their Dad. So, oh well. I considered being annoyed that I hadn't heard from him for a few minutes. Then I went to bed, because I was completely knackered. It was about 2130 at that point. Again, in my defense... aw screw it. I was tired, so I went to bed. deal with it.

Sunday I decided I want to throw out everything I own and start anew. By which I mean I did some cleaning. Also managed to do some laundry. I did throw some stuff away. Went through some stuff. Threw some stuff in the back room so as to not have to look at it constantly. Lamented that I need at least one more bookshelf, if not two. Not that I have the ready or the room.

It was hard, going back home after the week to myself at Jessie's. Much harder than I thought it would be. Within about ten minutes, I was ready to pack my shit and leave. I really miss living on my own. I love my family, but they're driving me crazy. I have no privacy, and try as she might, my mom still can't quite manage to treat me like a grownass woman all the time. She does a good job mostly, don't get me wrong, but the times she doesn't give me a twitch. That, and my brother gets on my nerves as well. I won't lie, we've always butted heads, and it hasn't gotten any easier now that we're adults.

I've decided that, hell or high water, I'll be moving out next fall. Hopefully I'll be moving to Newark, DE (heh, whoever has been excited about moving to Newark?!), but even if I don't, I'm moving out. Even if I have to get two more jobs to do it. Hopefully I'll be back in school though. Keep your fingers crossed for me, eh?

It's turning into an interesting week. And by that, I mean my mood has been up and down like a bungee jumper. Up and down, up and down, boing boing boing. I haven't been as bad yet as I fear I would or will be, but yesterday afternoon was hard. If I were the self medicating type, I'd be sore tempted to pop a pill or three upon getting to work tomorrow, just so as to float through the day, instead of slogging through it like a normal person. I don't want to be preoccupied with grief, I just want to get through the day. Preferrably without crying or screaming at anyone.

Not only that, but also? I want to go to Friendly's, and can't find anyone to go with me. *pouts* All I want is greasy comfort food and ice cream, dammit. I guess I'll stop at Baskin Robbins on the way home and pick something up. Oh wait, I have no cash. I wonder if they take a card.

I've listened to Nick Cave's Red Right Hand about twenty times in the past two days. OK, that's a slight exaggeration. Why don't I have more of his music? *Note to self: acquire more Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.*

I did acquire Missy's greatest hits album over the weekend. I don't generally go for hip hop, it's just not my thing, but I dig Missy. I've enjoyed the album. Or at least, the songs I know. I'll admit I haven't made much effort to familiarize myself with the songs I didn't already know. I may or may not rectify that. I really love Gossip Folks, though, as well as Pass That Dutch and a couple others.

On the way home last night, I decided I wanted to go to Hunt Valley. I hadn't been to Greetings and Readings in a while, and I wanted to be around books (the next best thing to greasy comfort food, ice cream, hot lovin' and alcohol, not necessarily in that order). Also, I'm looking for a glow in the dark nail polish, for the upcoming awesome holiday. I'm looking at Bride of Frankenstein, as I already have the wig, and definitely don't have the money or time to put together a proper Wednesday costume by the end of the month.

I struck out with those goals as well. G&R had none of the books I was looking for, and the makeup store up there didn't have the nail polish either. So, I resolved to head down to Towson.

Now, I know I've mentioned this before, but I kinda hate Towson. After spending near a decade of your life working somewhere as ridiculous as a mall like that, you would too. I avoid the mall unless I have a goal in mind, especially when that mall is Towson. Also? I don't go there on weekends unless it's totally unavoidable.

However, I still know where to park. And as it turns out, they're completely remodeling the mall, and there's some nice stuff going in. A P.F. Changs is opening this month, as well as a Cheesecake Factory. Both will be ridiculously busy for approximately forever. I will venture into Cheesecake occasionally to buy myself Oreo cheesecake, however. Because... yum. Also, there's a HUGE Crate & Barrel store opening. Um, yay? I can get the same shit for half the price at IKEA, for the most part. I've never been overly impressed with that store. Anyway, I'm not quite excited about the new stores... but I find I still have a sort of sick fascination with that place. It's like a train wreck, I can't look away. Mall culture is scary, but interesting to watch from outside. I'm so glad I don't work there anymore, though. That is my personal idea of hell. Towson Town Center. Forever. At Christmas time. *shudders and whimpers*

After trekking through the mall to the wee beauty supply store on the bottom floor (and striking out on that damned nail polish again), I decided to go to Barnes & Noble. There I found the one book I was looking for (George RR Martin's A Game Of Thrones. Has anyone else read this?), as well as about four others. And I really had to talk myself out of the Charles de Lint book I was looking at. Look at me, not being totally excessive in a bookstore! yay, me!

When I left, it was pouring. I got pretty fucking drenched. awesome. i like rain when i am at home, curled up with a blanket and a good movie, but I hate getting wet in the rain, it makes me feel icky. And somewhat melty as well. And also not when I have to drive in it at night. it fucks with my perception.

I should have a couple new movies from Netflix tonight: Baby Mama, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I'm not sure what I think of Judd Apatow. Knocked Up was... ok. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it. I haven't seen 40 Year Old Virgin yet. But this one looked cute, and I have a total girlcrush on Kristen Bell, so I'll watch it. Plus, I'm in the mood for comedy lately. As for Baby Mama... um, yeah, Tina Fey. Need I say more? If anyone cares, I'll likely share my thoughts ad nauseum regarding both films.

Yanno, like I am now. If you've made it this far through my inane ramblings, I applaud you. Give yourself a gold star AND a cookie.

"more weight"

Sep 18, 2008
2 comments

so, i know some folks have had some ill luck with joining facebook, but mine so far has been better than i would have expected. i haven't been "friended" by anyone from high school that i do not wish to be friends with--though i expect that is mostly because the folks i went to high school with that i have no desire to talk to probably don't even remember me. and i have been friended by one or two folks i remember, but vaguely. i wasn't really picked on in high school, but i was a drama geek, and not a jock, thus i was mostly an outcast. i guess one of the rare positives about going to a fairly tiny all-girls catholic school is that, at least in my case, you do your own thing, and mostly get left alone. there were a few girls that were kinda picked on, but there weren't really any bullies in my class. and a couple of the girls i remember as having pretty badass reps, weren't ever nasty with me.

it was all good though, i had my little group of friends. mostly, i haven't even been friended by people i don't know. and i hesitate to do that to people i wasn't particularly close to. i'm not one to feel like i have to have hundreds of friends on there, yanno? myspace syndrome appears to be alive and well on facebook, and i want nothing to do with that. so far, my profile is fairly public (i think? i'm not sure), but that probably won't last forever. i already said so on here once, but feel free to friend me if you're cool. there's a link on my sidebar you should be able to see as long as you're in my 'hood.

Liz_pic3[1]

This is our lunch table, minus Shannon (so i'm guessing this was Junior year, because she was the year behind us and had a different lunch that year. or else it's senior year and she's taking the picture, so there would be a picture for the senior scrapbook/slideshow. who knows, i don't remember.). From the left, back row is Jenn, Erika, Catrina and me, and in the front is Mercy and Jackie. Cat died last year, unfortunately. She was one kickass chick, and I miss her.

This is my favorite picture of us (we worked at Tuerkes together for a couple years, and this was at work one night. we got up to some crazy shit in that store. hey look, there's the Tumi behind us! i always lusted after that shit, and it was just fucking [expensive as shit] luggage!):

Liz_pic1[1]

last night, i found most of my friends from crew in college as well. that made me very happy, because they were all super awesome people, and i've missed them over the years. i need to be better at keeping in touch with people! i have a bunch of pics from various regattas and whatnot that i want to get scanned and posted. i loved crew. not only is rowing totally the best ever, but i think that was the one time in my life when i was actually truly one of the cool kids. it helped that the cool kids were all really kickass people, though.

so i hope it's understandable that i was feeling nostalgic and went in search of more pictures. i don't know why the nostalgia for high school suddenly, because high school wasn't the best four years of my life. it wasn't the worst either, even though 1999 was a pretty shit year for me and my family (I was diagnosed [in fact, my ten year diagnosis anniversary is 23 January 2009], my dad found out about the renal failure and i believe had his bypass that year, mom had to have a hysterectomy to remove a fibroid... it was just a crap year. oh, and i started college, too.). i found a zip loc bag full of pictures from the end of senior year, mostly, as well as from various slumber parties throughout high school, pics from in school, all kinds of stuff.

the majority of the pictures were from The Crucible. now, what possessed Mr. S. to do that play my senior year i'll never know or understand. it is not an easy play to pull off, honestly. but i auditioned because back then i thought i could act (i can't, really. i love theater and being involved in it, and i miss it dreadfully, but i am definitely meant for backstage work, not on-stage work. i envy those folks i know that are meant for the stage, though). i got a tiny part, one of the screaming girls.

unfortunately, our Abby cut off my scream each. and. every. fucking. performance. and most of my three lines as well. (the only one she never cut off was the one i said when she wasn't actually on stage. i kid you not.) stupid scenery chomping bitches. she was a nice girl, don't get me wrong, but she really ate up on that scenery.

the best part about the Crucible, though? that would be this guy:

Liz_pic2[1]

what can i say? i always did like 'em tall and skinny.

and in tights and a cape, apparently. ;) i can't even remember the number of times i stole that cape and paraded myself around in it. ah, adolescent flirting...! i love capes.

That's John. he was our Hathorne, and man, did i ever have a HUGE crush on that guy. so i asked him to the spring dance (our dances, with the exception of prom, were in the school cafeteria. how lame was that? that, and i think it ended up being a 70s theme. *shudder*). and we dated for a while, until i completely fucked things up. i don't remember what happened, if it was something he did or said, or if it was just that i had NO IDEA how to be in a relationship and construed every possible tiny little thing as clingy, but i totally treated the dude like shit, and i still feel shame at how i acted. i was a coward, honestly.

but, he seems to have forgiven me, because he found me a couple years ago on Myspace, and we're friends now. which is cool, because he really is an awesome guy (and smart... so much smarter than me. and i don't admit to that very often). so awesome, in fact, he offered to show me around Boston and Salem sometime, and i am totally taking him up on that offer, even if it was only politeness. ha! too bad, you're stuck with me for a weekend, John.

i can look back on that awful play through rose-colored glasses now, but it really was pretty awful. we had fun doing it though. ha, even Mr. S admitted to some bad casting choices after that was over. One of my friends would've been a far better Abby than the girl who did play her was (less scene chomping, too), and I flatter myself to remember being told i would've been a better Lizzy Proctor (shit, at least i would've bothered to memorize my lines and blocking before tech week). our Mary Warren was awesome, though. And the guys all did a great job.

in all honesty, most of my senior year of high school is kinda a blur, which i blame mostly on being sick as a dog the first half of it. i was really skinny, i remember being able to wear a size four at the gap at the beginning of the (school)year, and loving every second of it. unfortunately, it wasn't a healthy skinny. i was too skinny, but then, my body was slowly tearing itself apart with the diabetes i refused to acknowledge but in hindsight was pretty glaringly obvious. i remember little bits and pieces of future studies (don't ask). i remember reading The Martian Chronicles and loving it. I remember not reading A Canticle for Lebowitz and relying on Jenn to get me through that test. I remember that i only took one of my midterms. went out to the Bel Loc with Erika that morning, and ate only a powdered sugar donut, then went to class and turned in a paper to Mr S for our film class, then went home. i tried to work that night, but ended up going home and spent the rest of the week in bed with the flu. Saturday i woke up and couldn't take a deep breath, and then there's a big black hole that takes up about six hours of me being in shock (DKA). i woke up again in the ER at St. Joe's with a doc standing over me telling me that i was diabetic and telling my parents that if they'd waited much longer to bring me in i would've died.

i remember going to Loyola's prom with John, and i remember that dancing was interesting because i literally only came up to his sternum. i remember seeing a few of the guys i'd gone to grade school with. i remember sitting on the ramp to the gym with John during one night of the play, finding that my blood sugar was over 400 for the first time. that was scary. i vaguely remember asking him to that dance, and wishing i could take him to my prom, but i'd already asked my neighbor.

i remember senior week being a total bust for me personally. watching your friends get stupid drunk for a week is not fun when they won't let you join in because "you can't drink, you'll die!". in their defense, they were understandably freaked after my trip to the hospital in January, but at the time i was just pissed as hell that they wouldn't let me have a goddamn beer. i did a lot of walking that week. i also bought a really cute hot coral Roxy sweatshirt that i kinda wish i still had... and could wear.

i remember bits and pieces of blocking for Crucible, and i remember stealing John's cape every chance i had.

i probably remember more than that, but that's all that's coming to me right now. so, yeah. nostalgia ftw.

School's out forever!*

May 21, 2008
4 comments

Monday night, I took my final exam at the Baltimore School of Massage. I got an 82. Needed a 70 to pass. Considering I spent more of Sunday avoiding studying than actually studying, I'm quite happy with what I earned. As is generally the case when we take exams, I was the first one finished. I don't know if it's that I test fast, that i read fast, or that I generally go with my first instinct when i'm not sure of a question, and afterward tend not to dwell on it but just leave it, or some combination thereof, but i think there was only once all year where I wasn't the first one finished. I'm certainly not bragging about it. I used to sit and wait in high school, just to make sure I wasn't the first one to turn in a test. I don't bother anymore. I didn't have a book to read (i'd forgotten a new one, and finished the one i had at lunch), so I went for a drive. I got my last meal at Hardees (it's too far to go for fast food, yanno?), and then i went out and drove past my godparents' old house (they've moved to Rehobeth). I loved that house, and wish it was mine. on my way back to school, i turned down a street i'd always wondered about, and took a bit of a drive that way as well, before turning back. I feel like i got done the few things that i'd always wanted to, being in that area, but never had. it feels complete, if that makes sense. that little drive felt like closure.

I am finished school.*

I can't quite believe I just typed those words. Finished. Fin. Finito. Done. Carve me up. It doesn't yet seem totally real, to be honest. But I'm ecstatic anyway. No more hour long drives four afternoons a week, to get from work to school. No more tunnel twice a day. No more contending with the fact that the tunnel is two way most nights. No more getting home at ten o'clock at night--unless I'm out doing something I want to be doing! No more anatomy, no more physiology, no more lecture, no more bodywork. I'll miss my class, and I hope we manage to keep in touch. But I'm glad to be finished with the stress and the general... difficulty of that schedule. I loved school, and I always love learning, but going to class four nights a week got to be really rough, especially towards the end. I am very proud of myself for sticking it out, for finishing. There were a couple times when I just wanted to quit, just to catch up on sleep. But I didn't. I slogged through. I made it through annoyances, hardships, my dad's death, general sick-of-it-all-ness, intense desire to give up, disgustedness with the clinic, with some of the ways in which the skool was run. I stuck with it, I finished. I made it through the whole year. I think that's pretty awesome.

I have free time again. I'm so used to NOT having any time to do anything, that I think this is what feels weirdest. I can't quite figure out what to do with it yet. Last night, I stopped at the Giant on my way home and picked up my Rxes. When I got home, i simply veged out. I put on my pjs early, and i watched some tv. I ate something, i had a nice glass of wine (out of the champagne goblet again).

I'm excited about starting some projects. i started to read "stich n bitch" last night, and i'm very excited about learning to knit. i'm going to work to stick with it, to teach myself. I might see if I can find a local knitting group, folks to help me with some of the n00b questions i'm sure to have. or else i'll have to call my grandmother. but she knits left-handed, i think, and i'm a righty. I'm going to attempt to start a second library for my music on my mom's iTunes, so that maybe I can load my music onto my iPod again (stupid compy). I'm going to start walking next week.

i think i'd like to learn how to make chain mail jewelry as well. i know, that's kinda a random thing, but i love chain mail, and i think it would be fun to learn how to make it, and to make pretty things out of it. I want to pick my Tarot deck back up, get to know it better. i want to read my book on reincarnation, do some exploration of my past lives (find out if, as as Astrology.com insists, i really did once live in Atlantis! ;). i want to start a meditation practice, as well as a yoga practice.

one thing at a time though, right? i'm just so excited about starting to flex my creative muscles again. i hope they aren't too badly atrophied!

Walking was something I was planning on doing this week. But i've changed my mind again. Instead I'm going to rest and rejuvenate this week. I'm going to read, and watch the second season of Supernatural again, and I'm going to go to bed early.

I've got some organizing to catch up on around the house. I've got tons of shit of my own to file, to go through, to throw away. i need to go through the crap under my bed. I need to find a place to put my school books. i need to clean off and dust my desk. i need to weed through my books and put some in storage. maybe i'll even find some more to sell. i know, i know, it's difficult to part with books. but parting with some makes room for new ones. i'm going to list them on Amazon, I think. or else Alibris. has anyone else here ever bought from them?

I also need to clean out under my couch. and in my couch. and vacuum in general. i need to finish packing away my dishes and perhaps clear out some of hte other clutter about the room. after that i need to go through all my crap in storage, and get rid of as much of it as i can handle parting with. i think a lot is going to be donated to goodwill. and i think i might have a yard sale as well.

there's a bed frame in the back room that i want to pull out. if it's in good enough condition (we think there might be some water damage to the one side, so it depends on how bad that is), i want to re-finish it and then put it together. i've never had a true headboard-and-footboard bedframe, so that will be nice.

My car? yeah, it's a mess. it DESPERATELY needs to be cleaned out and vacuumed. so there's another project i'd like to work on getting through. I don't like my car to be messy and yucky.

there's lots to do, and it feels wonderful that i now have some time to maybe get started doing it.

*until i decide on grad school, that is.

Photo Post

May 18, 2008
2 comments

What I am doing:

IMG_5087

drinking wine (Reisling) out of a champagne glass/goblet. why? because i am class.

and because mom didn't want me to use the good wine glasses.

what i should be doing:

Books Abstract

that would be studying. wine and studying go well together, right?

in other news: YO SD FOUR SISTERS! WANT.

Yo-megu

Yo-nana

Also, watching Indiana Jones on sci-fi. Love these movies, can't wait for the new one.

Because she's adorable:

IMG_5086

my little sphinx-cat.

bought today:

Mosby's Massage Therapy Review

Sandy Fritz

and (not that I should've, but i can never resist when i'm in BN):

The Host: A Novel

Stephenie Meyer

Wanted to buy but they didn't have despite online saying they did:

Your Aura & Your Chakras: The Owner's Manual

Karla McLaren

I've been procrastinating on the studying all afternoon, can you tell? i've answered PMs about stuff people are interested in buying from me on the Pinky forum, I've looked at ebay (has anyone ever sold something to someone who asked to buy it away from an auction? I'm a little wary, but not paying fees would be nice), i've looked at dolls and I've gone to buy books. i'm tempted to start cleaning off my desk, and i really NEED to do laundry.

I kinda wish I was a little bit more worried about this final. But i'm really not.

that, and i've never really learned how to actually study. that could be a problem, huh?

oh, and finally. BSG from Friday? what the frakking frak?! they need to seriously answer at least a couple questions before they disappear until early frakking 2009.

question for the world at large

May 15, 2008
5 comments

so, i'm trying to figure out ways to make a bit of extra cash, as i'm not quite eeking out a living at my current job, though i like it there. and i'm trying to keep from being so desperate once i get certified that i'll take any massage job that rolls along, instead of doing it for the love.

does anyone around have any experience with some of those online jobs things? surveys for money, market research type stuff?

any help or suggestions or warnings would be vasty and greatly appreciated. :)

also, i'll clean your house for pretty cheap.